Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
