May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize