yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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