i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
