True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Everything about him screamed your future.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
