Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
