He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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