So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
