after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
