My hand turned me down
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize