Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize