I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
