I could have mohawked her pubes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
