i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
