before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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