im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You ruined the universe
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
