Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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