it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
