You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
