Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
