I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
