I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
