he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
