you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Im part way to drunk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
