I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
