He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
