i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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