I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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