I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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