Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
farters have to be the big spoon...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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