So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
