omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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