I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
