hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
