he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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