I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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