I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
