I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
