the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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