what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
