addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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