My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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