i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
