you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
