is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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