she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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