OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
