Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
