why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
