You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize