The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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