by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
