oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize