AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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