Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
