and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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