So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sober January is a disaster.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
