Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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