I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
