Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
