I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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