dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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