dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
