OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
