Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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