Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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