I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
