so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize