Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
