if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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