Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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